i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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