I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
