WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
