You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
