she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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