I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
