My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found your dick twin last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
