I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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