I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
