What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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