So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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