No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
