I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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