it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
