dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
