"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
