Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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