There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
