The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
