I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
