Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
