my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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