HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
