Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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