We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
