The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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