So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
