Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
