I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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