he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
