there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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