Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
