im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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