I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
