booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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