He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
