You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
