Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
