I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
