we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
