she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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