trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
