one two three fourrrrnication!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
