I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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