I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
