My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
