i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
