He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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