i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
