making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
