Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
