Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
