I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
