It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
