I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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