Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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