Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
