Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
