I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
