so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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