he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize