just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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