I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
