I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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