hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
