i think my tv is drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
