my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
