Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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