After last night, I could never be a politician.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize