try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
