just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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